"That event doesn't happen until tonight, so you must be very careful not to run into your other self."

--Dr. Emmett Brown, in Back to the Future

There is a reel going around Instagram and Facebook...in fact it has probably gone around multiple times.  I've seen it twice now, I think, the second time about 10 minutes before I started writing this blog post.  I don't know if it was the moment, or the mood I was in, or a combination of many other things (it was many other things), but I immediately felt like I needed to write this.  TL;DR....

The content of the reel is this:  the text says "your 18 year old self meets your 45 year old self, and asks if your life turned out the way you hoped."  It's edited to include a video graphic of some guy who's saying something like "awww man....kid, you don't wanna know." Or something to that effect. The whole thing is couched in the notion that no, life didn't turn out the way he'd hoped.  

First of all, can you imagine it even being possible to travel into the future??? I mean, O'Reilly Auto Parts does show a flux capacitor on their website, but that thing has been "out of stock" for year.  Losers.  Even if time travel were possible, which it isn't, but if it were, would you be willing to go into the future?  If you could meet your self 27 years into the future, would you want to know what your future self knows??  

When I was 18, I was a very balanced emerging adult--I had a chip on BOTH shoulders.  Life wasn't fair, I was fully aware of it, and I was damn sure gonna make sure I found out who was to blame for all that had "happened" to me.  I remember it well.  I was right.  Everyone else was wrong.  

I remember when I got the offer to be in the LBW Ensemble.  I felt like something has finally gone right in my life.  I still didn't have a clue what the future held, and I was scared to death of moving on past high school.  I didn't know what I wanted to major in.  I knew I was good at music.  I felt like I might like architecture.  As it turned out, music won out.  

This reel I mentioned got me thinking about how life "turns out."  I put that in quotes for a reason, which I'll try to get to in this post.  Wow, where to start.....?

How did life turn out?? Perhaps it's better to ask "how is it turning out?"  Here goes....

I never thought I'd be divorced more years now than how many years I was married.  

I never thought I'd become the successor to Jerry Padgett at LBWCC.  

I never thought I'd have the three amazing children that I have.  

I never thought I'd have a head full of gray hair.  

I never thought I'd have crossed the Pyrenees Mountains on foot, twice.  

I never thought I'd have formed the friendships that I formed by way of teaching the hornline at Southwind Drum and Bugle Corps for 6 years.  

I never thought I'd watch my son's high school years from a distance because he lives in another town with his mom and step dad.  

I never thought my kids would have a step dad.

I never thought I'd drop my son off to go to boot camp.  

I never thought I'd have thousands of photos of my kids and me doing fun things all over the country.

I never thought I'd lie awake nights wondering if my kids are OK when they aren't under the same roof as me.

I never thought I'd get to stand in the back of the room at watch my students light the place up as they perform music.

I never thought I would get to a point where I could look back and remember my favorite thing that ever came out of each of my kids' mouths.  

I never thought I'd get my stomach sliced open due to an inflamed gallbladder. 

I never thought I'd run a half-marathon or ride a century.  

I never thought I'd fly a helicopter.  

I never thought I'd have to take not one, but two blood pressure meds. 

I never thought I'd make it to 51.  Seriously.

This list could go on forever.  The truth is, life has turned out the way it turned out.  Whether it is good or bad is entirely my choice.  Victor Frankl's timeless book, Man's Search for Meaning, expounds on this concept--that we decide what is and isn't meaningful.  We decide what is good or bad.  We get to decide.  There are things in the list above that are "bad." There are also things that are pretty freaking epic!  But whether they are bad or good is entirely subjective, depending on who is looking at them.  

Is life perfect?  Nope.  Is it pretty darn amazing?  Yep.  So, to my 18 year old self, I say, "well, it all depends on what you thought life was gonna be."  But with the experience that only can come from having lived life, I'd say it's pretty grand!!