"A father is neither an anchor to hold us back, 

nor a sail to take us there, 

but a guiding light whose love shows us the way."

--Anonymous

Today is Fathers Day.  

As a matter of complete transparency, I have to admit that Fathers Day and I have a love/hate relationship.  Fathers Day has been a struggle for me at times, and it has been a day of overwhelming happiness, and sometimes, both of those occur at the same time.  

Like anyone who misses his or her father, Fathers Day sometimes has a little sting to it...if you let it...and I admit I often let it.  But Fathers Day also has some absolutely blindingly awesome joy to it, as well!  

Today, I went to church with Jackson and Ashlyn.  It was the first time we've all three been at church together since before the COVID-19 shutdown.  It was completely amazing to be there with them.  In addition to being there with them, we got to watch Alan Lindsey baptize his youngest daughter, Audrey.  I remembered baptizing my children, the twins in the very baptistry in which Audrey was baptized today.  As I watched, I thought about how special it was to get to baptize your child on Fathers Day!!! But then I thought about how special it would be to get to do that on most any day.  I don't mean to lessen or demean the experience that Alan and Audrey had today, but rather I am trying to point out that getting to be a father is special EVERY day.  

During the service, Troy Jones read something that made me laugh, out loud, and loudly.  It was an excerpt from a book by Max Lucado.  In the passage, Max was discussing how children view their dads--as DADDY...not as FATHER.  

He described one kid as the typical kid who is excited to see his daddy!  Lucado then says this:

"What I didn't hear was this: 'Father, it is most gracious of thee

to drive thy car to my place of education and provide me with

domestic transportation.  Please know of my deep

gratitude for your benevolence.  For thou art splendid

in thy attentive care and diligent in thy dedication.' "

Not a one of us would talk to our own fathers that way...because they are daddy....but we sure do talk to God that way, and we do it out of "reverence" and "piety."  Give me a break.  If my kids saw me after a brief absence and talked to me that way, it would kill me.  And if I were to get to see my dad after what is now 43 years of absence, you bet your paperless hymnal I wouldn't be all KJV with him.

Getting to be a daddy is special.  The years fly by as your kids grow up, and it often goes by in a blur.  But it is a beautiful, spellbinding, hold-on-for-dear-life kind of blur.  And I wouldn't trade it for anything.  

I became a daddy on March 19, 2002.  Jonathan Grant Brewer was born that Friday and my world changed forever.  Then it changed again on January 6, 2006 when Jackson Graham and Ashlyn Reagan Brewer were born.  If you three ever read this, I hope you know/remember how much I love you, and how you are the apple of my eye.  

In thinking of my own dad, I have done more wondering than I have remembering.  I was so very young when he passed that I really don't have many memories of him.  

I wonder if he ever just wanted to sit and watch me and Thomas play.

I wonder if he ever told his friends "hey, man...that's my boy!"

I wonder if he wondered what I would grow up to be.

I wonder if he would have been proud of me.

I wonder if he would have worried about me.

I wonder if he would have been at a loss for words sometimes because watching your children grow up is just so freaking amazing.

I wonder if he would have felt like he failed me.

I wonder if he ever wished he'd done this or that differently.

I wonder if he ever had that feeling at the end of the day, when your kids drift off to sleep, that today was a good day.

I wonder if he ever daydreamed about the future of his kids.  

These are all things I do/have done.  

Fathers...your role in your children's lives is immeasurable.  Sadly, you live in a world in which masculinity has been made a punch-line in sitcom television and where the male in the family is often more of a motley fool.  Sad really....because our role is vital in the development of our children.  It's not more important that the role of a mother, it's just a different role.  Both are important.  

And to Johnny R. Brewer, Sr....wherever you are out in the infinite cosmos of God's existence...I hope you know I'm proud you were my dad, and I'm proud I'm your son.  I'll see you one day.  

Blessings.