"You have the controls."

--my instructor

December, 2015.  I finally decided to take the plunge and take a flight lesson in a helicopter.  I have loved helicopters most of my life.  I'm not sure where it started, but my mom dated an Army medivac pilot several years after my died died.  Maybe that was it.  Maybe it was watching Howling Mad Murdock on The A-Team.  Or TC on Magnum P.I.  No, it had to be Stringfellow Hawk on Airwolf.  Yes, that's it.  

I knew a few helo pilots, all of them US Army, and I'm sure they grew tired of me asking them about flying, but I never seemed to grow tired of asking them about flying.  In my research, I learned that operating a helicopter is EXPENSIVE.  With 5038575 moving parts, most all of them under extreme amounts of torque, one can imagine why they cost so much to operate.  For years, I let that deter me.  But then I learned that Eagle Aviation would do a demo flight lesson.  It was $140, lasted 40 minutes, and you go to take over the controls.  Perfect!  I can check this off my bucket list!  

On a warm, sunny day in late December, I pulled up to the heliport at the Midland City airport, and there it sat.  A nowhere-near-new Schweizer 300, 2-seater, gasoline engine, mosquito of a helicopter.  Oh, you thought it was gonna be a Blackhawk!  Nope.  

The instructor went over the basic controls of a helicopter.  There are 5:  throttle, collective, cyclic, and two anti-torque pedals.  I knew this.  As you can imagine, I had no idea how to actually use them all.  We climbed in the cockpit...it was smaller than I thought it would be...and fired up the engine.  After a brief time of letting the engine warm up, we took off.  It was surreal really.  

Helicopter are really loud on the inside, but I could hear the instructor over the headphones telling me that he was going to give me the controls.  I assumed he meant one at the time, but no, he meant the whole smash.  After I put my stomach back where it was supposed to be, I was ready.  His last bit of instruction went like this.

When you fly us over the power lines, make sure you fly over the poles, because those are the highest points along the lines, and we don't want to die.

You got it, McGruber!  Whatever you say, chief.  Over the poles.  Well, it's been a good life.  

The moment of truth.

Instructor:  "You have the controls."

Me:  "I have the controls."

Instructor again: "You have the controls."

And I did.  That was better than any thrill ride I'd ever been on.  Better than zip-lining over a canyon. Better than whitewater.  Better than roller coasters.  It was completely over the top.  

But....when you look up a helicopter in the sky, and it looks like it's flying a nice, straight, pretty line....just know that a brilliant, genius, sorcerer is at the controls.  IT IS THE HARDEST THING I HAVE EVER TRIED TO DO.  And that includes playing a drumset!  Every single control input requires at least two other almost instantaneous inputs.  The thing just plain wants to crash!!  The pilot even said so.  He said "if you don't fly it, we'll die."  No pressure.  Somewhere I have a GoPro video of the flight, but it violates FAA regulations to even watch it.  LOL. 

I wonder if that flight lesson wasn't exactly like my life.  I want the controls....only to later realize that I have no idea what I'm doing.  Oh, I THINK I know what I'm doing, but I don't.  But God gives us free will, and usually, I'm sideways, looking at the ground that's rapidly approaching, signaling my imminent crash.  Kids are the same way!  They want the controls.  And we give them over so they will learn what responsibility feels like.  Hopefully they don't crash too hard.  I did several times.  And my mom helped me clean up, often times had to forgive me, and then she'd say, "try again."  

God is the same way.  He'll let us run with the line.  He'll let us do it our way.  He'll give us the controls because he gives us free will.  And in my life, it has been a constant that I will crash and burn every time.  Because I don't know enough.  Because I'm not a pilot.  Flying the helicopter wasn't really all that hard...but taking off and landing? That's the hard part.  Like life.  Being born is hell on the mom and baby.  It's traumatic.  Dying...that's hell on the family, and often times the one who is dying.  And in those moments, we seem to seek God the most.  We realize that we CAN NOT FLY THIS MACHINE ON OUR OWN.  And we turn the controls back over to the Creator.  

The questions I'm left with is why do I think I can handle the controls, ever, at any point in time????

What makes me think I know enough to run my own life?  At best, it would be a guess.  A shot in the dark.  I don't know what's going to happen in the next 5 minutes! Let alone the next 5 years.  

People worship all kinds of deities.  Mine is called God.  Some people call theirs Allah.  Some call theirs Buddha.   I'm not intending to argue religions.  The point of this rant is that there's something bigger than me.  Much, much, much, much, much bigger than me.   And I don't want the controls to that!